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Submitted on
January 23, 2013
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fingers blazing away,

while(1) {
   taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap;  // fingers
   taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap;  // blazing
   taptaptaptaptap;           // away,
   taptap;                    // \n\n
   taptaptaptaptap;           // while
   taptaptap;                 // (1)
   taptap;                    //  {
};

insomniacly feeding the page
with characters
 words and phrases
 clips of code or
 poetic blunders

// thankgodfor the [<-backspace] key
// iwonderhow i would getby withoutit

/*
* Maybe I should just
* delete everything...
* It would make life
* a whole lot easier.
*/
...

Information for
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
My critique:
[link]

Critique questions:
This poem contains elements of computer programming. Assuming that you aren't well-versed in programming languages, does this hinder your ability to understand the key themes and underlying message of this poem?

In addition to the previous question, do you think I should (or need to) include information that lets readers know the technical details of what I've written, or should I leave it as it is, leaving the interpretation up to the reader?

From the perspective of free-verse poetry, do you think this poem makes good use of the lack of traditionally structured form?

Finally, a more open ended question, what did you think about this poem when you read it the first time? ("It was too difficult to read the first time," "It didn't make sense," etc.)

Thank you for your input :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconetherealmartyr:
This piece is strong and the title fits well.

The repetition of the first section works wonderfully to show the subject's frustration. It also helps to give the effect of caffeine induced jitters that are disrupting the subject's though process.

The presence of the symbols throughout the piece make it easier to picture the subject actually typing away through the thought process of trying to write when the words just will not come.

It carries an echo of writer's block and uncertainty of how to express the images that are pressing at the back of your eyelids:

// thankgodfor the [<-backspace] key
// iwonderhow i would getby withoutit

In all reality, it is a piece that many writers could easily identify with. At least, I certainly can.

This really is a wonderful piece of poetry.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

:icontei-rei:
Sometimes I like poetry. More often I don't. Admittedly, I'm not full of respect for the medium, so I think it takes I lot to wow me. It was really refreshing to read something that wasn't written in a mimicked style or that was put through the writing version of an instragram filter. I really liked the the stylistic and formatting choices you made. I think art is meant to touch us, and you managed to touch me on a couple of different levels. Technology is really ingrained in our lives, and it's hard to tell what your writing in the poem, and that's part of what really got me. I'm sure most artist have looked at something they where in the process of and wondered how to fix their blunder.

Wonderful piece overall.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconthelunardragon:
TheLunarDragon Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This Critique is on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition:

I... I just don't know how to Critique this.
I don't know whether I should laugh or be confused.
It's like the title suggests... I feel like you slammed an entire pot of coffee and then tried to write a poem and then suffered a stroke on your keyboard. XD

I can definitely give this a 4/5 though, this is definitely an original piece and it made me laugh, and I wasn't expecting this at all. lol
Reply
:iconabunai59:
abunai59 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013
That's interesting; I never thought it would make people laugh, but I'm glad you enjoyed it in your own way. Thank you for you insight!
Reply
:icongoose-fat:
goose-fat Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   Writer
This is awesome. I've actually wanted to do something like this for a while!
It has a really clean feel to it, and I think it flows well enough to work as free verse poetry.
(but you left the curly bracket open! :noes:
Reply
:iconabunai59:
abunai59 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013
Perhaps there is an error in your parsing algorithm?
Reply
:icongoose-fat:
goose-fat Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   Writer
//oh
//I can't believe I missed that xD
Reply
:iconabunai59:
abunai59 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013
lol it's fine :)
Thanks for speaking up though!
Reply
:iconabunai59:
abunai59 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013
Good sir or Madame...

I do not leave curly brackets open.
Reply
:iconangelenroute:
angelenroute Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Professional Writer
very cool! =)
Reply
:iconabunai59:
abunai59 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
thank you :)
Reply
:iconlolijoke:
lolijoke Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like this a lot.
Reply
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