memory

1) Have you been in a similar situation?
New question! It is now apparent that this work probably shouldn't be considered poetry. What do you think?
Whoever said this is wrong plain and simple. The mere idea that this isn’t poetry for whatever silly reason is ludicrous to me. This is CERTAINLY poetry and should be considered nothing else.

2) The structure of this poem will probably disgust many people, as it disregards flow in exchange for logical unity. What's your opinion?
I don’t think that it’s disgusting as it is unnecessary. The logical unity you say you’ve attempted to achieve is uprooted by your overuse of outside punctuation. The parenthetical sections work here to differentiate the two sections but I think simply offsetting the stanzas would do just as well if not better. It would be a hell of a lot more subtle, as I’ll explain in question number three.

3) Do you understand how the ending pieces together with the previous sections?
Yes, it’s pretty simple to figure out. As I stated before, I think you overused the parentheses to show the reader the split. Personally, I feel (though I know you did not intend to) that this type of choice is insulting to the reader. Here you’ve created a situation where the reader’s hand is held. It is also incredibly distracting.

*) Extra credit: Give me some negative feedback that doesn't pertain to my style.
I would say the section of your “dream” is a bit lackluster in the wording department. The “You ____” parts could be improved tremendously by going into more depth rather than just making a list. I don’t know what her lips tasted like or what her hips smelled like. Make this more apparent so I can sense your poem rather than just being told things. The old adage “Show don’t tell” applies here.

Overall: I will say, I’m assuming (and now that I've read other critiques I can see) that you’ve gotten a lot of flak for
your formatting based on your questions. It would appear that a lot of people on Deviantart have this skewed idea of a “poem” that has to follow a very boring, basic pattern. Ignore that., that’s not to say that suggestions shouldn’t be taken. What I’m saying is that don’t get discouraged based on stupid assumptions on poetry, but also don’t allow yourself to feel pompous because you have done something that people deem is “different.” I have seen far too many poets get a big head because they think they’re “unique” based on their formatting. I think with a small bit of imagery improvements and a bit more subtle punctuation you’ll have yourself something great here.